Didja Ever….Just Wanna Scream?
The rain pelleting my window like a thousand gummy bears awoke me from a sound sleep. Turning over did no good, the noise was incessant, and a portent of the things to come.
Grudgingly, I rose out of bed, headed to the window and witnessed a downpour that would have had Noah hasten the building of the Ark. However, I was on a mission. Today, I would venture out into the weather not fit for man nor beast, in my quest for a small nail, just one, which I would use to straighten a picture hanging on our living room wall.
I waited two hours for the rain to subside. It did not, and only seemed to be raining harder, and harder. Deciding there was no time like the present, I donned my rain gear, from my motorcycle days, an umbrella, and left our cozy home.
When I walked out the front door I was assaulted by gummy bears disguising themselves as raindrops. It was tough going. The wind was slightly below gale force, the umbrella had turned inside out, and water was pouring down my back, for I had forgotten to tighten the collar of my rain-jacket.
I arrived at the car, soaking wet, dropped the keys as I was stumbling to open the car door, and banged my head on the car frame as I entered the car. Now, soaking wet, and with a wonderful headache, I began my drive to the hardware store.
On my way to the store, my windshield was becoming fogged up. My defroster was on the blink, so I hit the button to crank down my window just enough to help me see where I was going. The rain was coming down in sheets, and visibility, even through a clear windshield, was minimal.
I must have put a tad too much pressure on the window button, and there was nothing I could do as I watched my window go down to its lowest position. Rain came pouring into the car as if the car had been driven into a lake. Frantically, I hit the up portion of the button, and nothing happened. It was stuck in the open position.
But, I was on a mission. I am a manly man, wearing motorcycle rain-gear, driving a 2000 Volvo, surely I can stick it out, suck it up, and continue on. And, that’s what I did.
Seeing through the window was no longer a problem since there was plenty of ventilation, but I could have used some windshield wipers on my glasses. Nevertheless, in a short, soggy time, I arrived at the hardware store, soaked beyond the bone, and holding more water than the Indian Ocean.
The hardware store was empty, save for a lone clerk who found the inside of his nose fascinating. I have not seen such picking since the California Gold Rush of 1848. He was industrious, ambidextrous, and had there been any gold in his nasal passages, he would have made Warren Buffet seem like a pauper.
He looked at me as if I were insane. Who would come out in such terrible weather. I know that is what he was thinking since that is the only thing that would have caused him to stop reaching into himself.
I asked him where the precious nail could be found. He pointed me in the right direction, and I picked up a few more nails than one. The heck with the budget! I had come through torrential rains and winds, a few extra nails were my reward.
The prospect of heading back into the storm was unappealing, but staying in the store meant I could either continue watching him mine for whatever, or look at paint cans. Neither was a convincing reason to stay. So, I bundled up, zipped up, turned the umbrella right-side in, and entered my car, which by now, had become a small swimming pool. Remember the open window?
As I walked around to the driver’s door, I tripped, and my precious treasure of nails flew out of my hand. I uttered a few kind words to the spirits of the air, and gathered my treasure, put them in the jacket of my rain-gear and proceeded to drive home.
In less than a block from the hardware store, my car suddenly jeered to the left. I tried to straighten the wheel, but it veered to the left again. Then, I heard it, thump, thump, thump. A sound that does not lighten the soul on a sunny day. I pulled the car to the curb, got out, and there it was, a flat tire. After an hour and a half, AAA arrived, changed my flat, put the little toy tire in its place, and I was on my way home again. The rain during this whole time was happily soaking anything and everything. I no longer have words to describe how wet I was.
Before arriving home, I decided to take the tire to the tire repair shop to see if it could be fixed. They inspected the tire, and lo and behold, the cause of the flat was discovered. It was one of my precious little nails. It wasn’t lost after all, it was just resting in my tire. How sweet!
Finally, five hours after I left the house I arrived home, tired, soaked, head aching, and in need of something good to happen.
As I walked into the living room water was gushing from my clothing and body as if I were a giant sponge being squeezed with every step.
Now, at last, the bright part of my day. The one thing that would make everything worthwhile was about to happen…
My teenage son….a brilliant child….says to me, “Hey dad, is it raining?”
Didja ever…just wanna scream!